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понедельник, 07 октября 2013
If I want to listen to 1 fucking Direction, then I will listen to 1 fucking Direction.
If you tell me one more time that you won't fucking talk to me just because I'm listening to 1 fucking Direction, then I don't fucking need a friend like you.
Period.
If you tell me one more time that you won't fucking talk to me just because I'm listening to 1 fucking Direction, then I don't fucking need a friend like you.
Period.
суббота, 05 октября 2013
I woke up this morning with a strong feeling that yesterday evening had never happened. Everything seemed so unreal and wrong that I lost all of my confidence the moment I opened my eyes. I was simply staring at the ceiling trying to pull out my earplug and figure out if it was just a dream. It sadly wasn't.
I saw my future bright for several hours and for the first time in my life I thought there was s hope. It actually was all ruined with the crack of her voice, with those tears and pleadings, and I wasn't sure if I could just leave so I stayed and wept silently.
She said I destroyed all of her dreams.
She said that it is like living a nightmare.
She said that the only thing left for her was death.
Hysteria lasted for several hours and I'm not sure at what point I stopped listening. All I could do was keep crying and thinking of how miserable the whole situation is.
I won't ever say she wasn't right. Maybe the words she used, the way she said those horrible things, all the drama she made, but not her idea. The news became a surprise even for myself so I really can understand what a bomb I dropped by saying them to her. Yes, it is hard for both of us, painful even. But was the purpose of giving a birth to me to please you for the rest of your life? Should I forget about everything I've ever wanted and live a life that would make you happy? Should I live next to you, have a lot of babies you could raise, get married to someone you like and live my whole life as a half person with my body in this cage and mind in some other place?
I was standing there crying for 4 hours straight, biting my lips to the point where they became sore and swollen, and trying not to open my mouth. I thought that if I tried to say something, it would probably be the harshest words I could ever come up with. So I remained still and continued to listen about how egoistic I am. Fun fact, I wasn't the only egoist in this room back then.
I could understand her and I couldn't at the same time. 'I want you to be happy and be able to do whatever you like. But if you go, I will live in misery. That's my faith.' Is there any chance I can be cruel enough to do as she said?
It doesn't even matter that the whole conversation has ended on a high note, because today I couldn't look her in the eyes. I brought her pain she won't forget for a while, but at the same time my heart is broken, too.
And now we have to make a decision: which one should be healed?
I saw my future bright for several hours and for the first time in my life I thought there was s hope. It actually was all ruined with the crack of her voice, with those tears and pleadings, and I wasn't sure if I could just leave so I stayed and wept silently.
She said I destroyed all of her dreams.
She said that it is like living a nightmare.
She said that the only thing left for her was death.
Hysteria lasted for several hours and I'm not sure at what point I stopped listening. All I could do was keep crying and thinking of how miserable the whole situation is.
I won't ever say she wasn't right. Maybe the words she used, the way she said those horrible things, all the drama she made, but not her idea. The news became a surprise even for myself so I really can understand what a bomb I dropped by saying them to her. Yes, it is hard for both of us, painful even. But was the purpose of giving a birth to me to please you for the rest of your life? Should I forget about everything I've ever wanted and live a life that would make you happy? Should I live next to you, have a lot of babies you could raise, get married to someone you like and live my whole life as a half person with my body in this cage and mind in some other place?
I was standing there crying for 4 hours straight, biting my lips to the point where they became sore and swollen, and trying not to open my mouth. I thought that if I tried to say something, it would probably be the harshest words I could ever come up with. So I remained still and continued to listen about how egoistic I am. Fun fact, I wasn't the only egoist in this room back then.
I could understand her and I couldn't at the same time. 'I want you to be happy and be able to do whatever you like. But if you go, I will live in misery. That's my faith.' Is there any chance I can be cruel enough to do as she said?
It doesn't even matter that the whole conversation has ended on a high note, because today I couldn't look her in the eyes. I brought her pain she won't forget for a while, but at the same time my heart is broken, too.
And now we have to make a decision: which one should be healed?
вторник, 24 сентября 2013
I want to draw again. Like, constantly, you know.
I have this small notebook with me every day, and I open it every day, and I do nothing every day. I just keep staring at the blank page remembering all that time when there was nothing more comforting than drawing for me. I used to spend most of my time with a pencil in my hand and now I have no strength to start it all over again. And it feels strange. Emptiness in my head feels strange.
I have this small notebook with me every day, and I open it every day, and I do nothing every day. I just keep staring at the blank page remembering all that time when there was nothing more comforting than drawing for me. I used to spend most of my time with a pencil in my hand and now I have no strength to start it all over again. And it feels strange. Emptiness in my head feels strange.
воскресенье, 22 сентября 2013
-I have to go home.
-Shhh....you are home.
-Shhh....you are home.
понедельник, 16 сентября 2013
There's no words to describe how important this day is for me. Yeah, I fell in love with you a couple of years ago but just previous year I made a step forward and went to a whole new level. My life altered considerably and that's so strange because it all started almost as a joke. 'oh, hey, it seems fun, i'm going to read it', there were no intentions to go any deeper. But I did and, oh, how very thankful I am now.
Thank you for making my year a little bit better.
Thank you for being with me every time I felt like the most loneliest person in the world.
Thank you for supporting me and keeping me strong enough.
Thank you for showing me that dreams can come true.
Thank you for new friends.
Thank you for giving me something to live for.
Thank you for being my inspiration.
Thank you for being my muse.
Thank you for making my year a little bit better.
Thank you for being with me every time I felt like the most loneliest person in the world.
Thank you for supporting me and keeping me strong enough.
Thank you for showing me that dreams can come true.
Thank you for new friends.
Thank you for giving me something to live for.
Thank you for being my inspiration.
Thank you for being my muse.
среда, 11 сентября 2013
I don't know what scares me more : the present or the future.
That moment when every second of your existence is just a piece of shit and you don't even have a hope for changes anymore.
That moment when every second of your existence is just a piece of shit and you don't even have a hope for changes anymore.
вторник, 10 сентября 2013
No, dad, Mike, Tre and Billie Joe are not goblins. And no, Alex and Tom won't go off of my wall.
Yeah, dad, i like these Muse posters, too.
No, dad, this is Jake Bugg and not my husband.
Yeah, dad, i like these Muse posters, too.
No, dad, this is Jake Bugg and not my husband.
пятница, 06 сентября 2013
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
среда, 04 сентября 2013
21:17
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вторник, 27 августа 2013
And we would be beautiful.
And we would.
And we would.
And we would.
And we would.
But we won’t.
Because we can’t.
And we would.
And we would.
And we would.
And we would.
But we won’t.
Because we can’t.
суббота, 24 августа 2013
It's so nice to feel your hand in mine again.
Thank you for being brave.
Thank you for being patient and stubborn.
Thank you for coming to me and asking if you could come back.
Thank you for making me okay.
Thank you for being brave.
Thank you for being patient and stubborn.
Thank you for coming to me and asking if you could come back.
Thank you for making me okay.
пятница, 23 августа 2013
He brought me sushi. I was so flattered I didn't have a heart to tell him that I don't really like it.
He did it due to pity. I know that, he told me once. And still he decided that I'm worth to be cared about.
So I ate silently and I said thank you and he was glad. And the taste of the soy sauce on my lips and my fingers is just a pleasant bonus which reminds me that there's someone worrying about me.
He did it due to pity. I know that, he told me once. And still he decided that I'm worth to be cared about.
So I ate silently and I said thank you and he was glad. And the taste of the soy sauce on my lips and my fingers is just a pleasant bonus which reminds me that there's someone worrying about me.
четверг, 22 августа 2013
Alex, do you remember France?
There's no more France, Al, no. I'm sorry.
There's no more France, Al, no. I'm sorry.
вторник, 20 августа 2013
Знаешь, что самое стремное? Осознание того, что все, во что ты верил - абсолютная чушь.
© 500 дней лета
© 500 дней лета
суббота, 17 августа 2013
She came to my room and I hadn't had to say anything for her to start soothe me and ask me to calm down. I wasn't even crying, she's just to good at reading faces.
He asked me yesterday if I was okay and I honestly answered that no, I wasn't. He ignored that. He didn't actually care.
It's okay for everyone to be as unhappy and miserable as they want, but when I feel even slightly upset it's just overreacting and overthinking. And it seems that I don't deserve to receive support, because all I have is pitying. He gave me money today because he couldn't see me anymore.
Thank god K. came back.
He asked me yesterday if I was okay and I honestly answered that no, I wasn't. He ignored that. He didn't actually care.
It's okay for everyone to be as unhappy and miserable as they want, but when I feel even slightly upset it's just overreacting and overthinking. And it seems that I don't deserve to receive support, because all I have is pitying. He gave me money today because he couldn't see me anymore.
Thank god K. came back.
среда, 14 августа 2013
No, it's not called being a hypocrite, it's called being mature. And that's what I'm trying to be. I have enough patience and strength to close my eyes and ignore such a behavior. It's not me being a jerk but it's me who has to deal with that. And I will, in my own way. Yes, I probably do not have an other choice but that doesn't change a fact that I need to be higher than this at least for myself. There's a really hard and lonely months waiting for me ahead. But as he said 'It's not the first time, It's not our worst crime, Our souls will be okay'. And I will be okay.
вторник, 13 августа 2013
I've found a definition of happiness and sadness in one picture.
Kids, it was the week I couldn't help but start hating Japan.
YOU FUKING MOTHERFUCKERS. I'M 167% DONE WITH THIS BAND.
YOU FUKING MOTHERFUCKERS. I'M 167% DONE WITH THIS BAND.
понедельник, 12 августа 2013
I'll just leave this here.