This exact day one year ago I was the happiest person alive.
четверг, 05 декабря 2013
It's at least polite to say something nice to a person who is going away and not to the best place, but I just couldn't. The more I struggled with a lump in my throat, the more blurred my vision was getting.
It's scary to think how I'm gonna cope now. She tried so hard for my sake which made me try even harder for her's. She was tired, she was pissed, she was busy and some days she couldn't even tolerate me anymore, but she still somehow was finding it in her and make me feel better. Not better maybe, but stronger. I was forcing myself to be cheerful and smile a bit more so she wouldn't have to worry so much. And it all kinda worked.
But now I'm not even able to find my pain-killers and my back hurts so much I think it might kill me. And I have no idea who needs me to be strong anymore because everything was for her and it's unbearable to know how she won't see me trying my best for the two fucking weeks.
She was my anchor and I'm really scared that without it I will make some stupid things again and float away.
And then I'll never be able to go back to this shore...
It's scary to think how I'm gonna cope now. She tried so hard for my sake which made me try even harder for her's. She was tired, she was pissed, she was busy and some days she couldn't even tolerate me anymore, but she still somehow was finding it in her and make me feel better. Not better maybe, but stronger. I was forcing myself to be cheerful and smile a bit more so she wouldn't have to worry so much. And it all kinda worked.
But now I'm not even able to find my pain-killers and my back hurts so much I think it might kill me. And I have no idea who needs me to be strong anymore because everything was for her and it's unbearable to know how she won't see me trying my best for the two fucking weeks.
She was my anchor and I'm really scared that without it I will make some stupid things again and float away.
And then I'll never be able to go back to this shore...
вторник, 03 декабря 2013
I wonder if I really don't care about other people's appereances or I just say so because I can't look good myself.
понедельник, 02 декабря 2013
21:10
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Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
воскресенье, 24 ноября 2013
22:26
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среда, 20 ноября 2013
Midnight Memories album more like 'Mumford and Directions' or 'One Son'
четверг, 14 ноября 2013
20:54
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воскресенье, 10 ноября 2013
2 months 2 weeks and 6 days.
суббота, 09 ноября 2013
Wish I could somehow
Go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice
I'd tell her to speak out
Tell her to shout out
Talk a bit louder
Be a bit prouder
Tell her she's beautiful
Wonderful
Everything she doesn't see
You gotta speak out
You gotta shout out
And know that right here
Right now
You could be beautiful
Wonderful
Anything you want to be
Little Me
Go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice
I'd tell her to speak out
Tell her to shout out
Talk a bit louder
Be a bit prouder
Tell her she's beautiful
Wonderful
Everything she doesn't see
You gotta speak out
You gotta shout out
And know that right here
Right now
You could be beautiful
Wonderful
Anything you want to be
Little Me
среда, 06 ноября 2013
The thing is that the World won't stop even for a moment just because you want it to.
It doesn't work for you and it probably never will.
More than that, nothing actually works for you.
Your body doesn't care that you can't go home yet and just keeps shaking because you're cold. Your lips doesn't care that you need to chew on them just not to scream or cry loudly in front of all those people, so it hurts, feels sore and becomes so swollen that you hardly can close your mouth. Even your phone doesn't care that you need to listen to these shitty sad songs and suddenly starts playing something as positive as 'Best song ever'.
And, yeah, the World of course doesn't care that you ache for this one second to take a deep breath which will help you to keep on moving.
And then, some time later, you stop caring as well. Because you're a part of this World and you can do nothing about it.
It doesn't work for you and it probably never will.
More than that, nothing actually works for you.
Your body doesn't care that you can't go home yet and just keeps shaking because you're cold. Your lips doesn't care that you need to chew on them just not to scream or cry loudly in front of all those people, so it hurts, feels sore and becomes so swollen that you hardly can close your mouth. Even your phone doesn't care that you need to listen to these shitty sad songs and suddenly starts playing something as positive as 'Best song ever'.
And, yeah, the World of course doesn't care that you ache for this one second to take a deep breath which will help you to keep on moving.
And then, some time later, you stop caring as well. Because you're a part of this World and you can do nothing about it.
пятница, 01 ноября 2013
This awkward moment when Tyler makes better Perrie Edwards than Perrie Edwards makes Perrie Edwards.
...he also makes better girl than me.
...he also makes better girl than me.
вторник, 29 октября 2013
And I'll be gone gone tonight
The ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I been holdin' on too tight
With nothing in between
The ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I been holdin' on too tight
With nothing in between
It's like they threw us in the middle of the ocean with no ability to swim.
And so we're floating in these waves trying to find a shore as soon as possible. Or death. Probably death.
Ones are trying to drink the water around them thinking that it will help them to choke on it and drown sooner. Others are closing their eyes hoping that once they open them, the nightmare will disappear.
And then there's me. Just lying on my back, boiling in my own depression, not trying to make it easier for me, just waiting when my body will slowly go under the water.
And the saddest part of this is that I can't move. The only thing left for me is to look at how people around me are trying to kill themselves and hope that they will somewhow drag me along.
The probably won't.
And so we're floating in these waves trying to find a shore as soon as possible. Or death. Probably death.
Ones are trying to drink the water around them thinking that it will help them to choke on it and drown sooner. Others are closing their eyes hoping that once they open them, the nightmare will disappear.
And then there's me. Just lying on my back, boiling in my own depression, not trying to make it easier for me, just waiting when my body will slowly go under the water.
And the saddest part of this is that I can't move. The only thing left for me is to look at how people around me are trying to kill themselves and hope that they will somewhow drag me along.
The probably won't.
воскресенье, 27 октября 2013
05:50
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понедельник, 21 октября 2013
No words can save this
You're broken and I'm pissed.
You're broken and I'm pissed.
четверг, 17 октября 2013
My hidden posts more like things I'm too ashamed to reblog on tumblr.
23:40
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понедельник, 14 октября 2013
No matter how much embarrassed I was of not being able to control my own voice, I couldn't be more thankful.
And you know, if you want me to stop listening to these shitty songs I will. If you want me to dye my hair, so roots won't be showing, I'll do it. I'll wear a skirt, I'll stop being angry all the time, I'll let you touch my nose and make stupid jokes about me and my brother, I'll let you play with my pencil case and I'll do thousands more things, but please, I beg you, stay this way.
Be so sudden with you calls, worry because of my shaking voice, let me sit in your car as much as I like, drive me across the town, don't force me to go home when I don't want it so much, talk to me about something different from my problems, don't let me cry, buy me chocolates which will make me feel better, just do everything you did this evening.
Please, stay my friend.
And you know, if you want me to stop listening to these shitty songs I will. If you want me to dye my hair, so roots won't be showing, I'll do it. I'll wear a skirt, I'll stop being angry all the time, I'll let you touch my nose and make stupid jokes about me and my brother, I'll let you play with my pencil case and I'll do thousands more things, but please, I beg you, stay this way.
Be so sudden with you calls, worry because of my shaking voice, let me sit in your car as much as I like, drive me across the town, don't force me to go home when I don't want it so much, talk to me about something different from my problems, don't let me cry, buy me chocolates which will make me feel better, just do everything you did this evening.
Please, stay my friend.
воскресенье, 13 октября 2013
Note for future self: Don't listen to 'Little things' or 'Change my mind' while being tipsy, it'll make you cry in an elevator.
22:00
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